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II Tim. 3:3 – "…Without natural affection…"
Rom. 1:31 – "…without natural affection…"
As in Matthew 10:21 when people will deliver up their own
kin to death.
I. Parents today have largely lost control of their homes. Moms and dads
are busy working outside jobs, placing the home/family in second, third, or
even fourth place. The priority is to gain material possessions and not to
train children. Pride is in what we own – houses, lands, cars, so forth, not
in the accomplishments of our family and children. I understand that when they
come home from work, they have more work to do. They have meals to prepare,
the house to clean, and clothes to wash. They certainly feel stressed out.
Dads are busy working, often more than one job, and they don’t have time to
spend with their family. Instead of cutting back on what they are spending,
they are working more to earn more so they can spend more. That way they can
pay more in taxes. It is not how much you are making that is important, it is
how much that sticks that is important. The world is living like this,
and many saved people are also living this way. We that are saved should
follow the ways of God, not the ways of the world. We should get our
instructions from God, not from the world.
II. You can give your children:
A. too much:
1. authority - before they are ready to make right decisions. Don’t
give the child more authority if they haven’t made correct decisions
already.
2. decision making - Don’t allow the child to make decisions when
they are little.
3. Money - I have heard of parents giving their children $50.00 or so
"allowance" each week. The parents believe they are teaching
their children how to manage money when they force the child to buy their
own clothes and extras. Another thing the child learns is that somebody
else provides all the money for them, and they don’t necessarily need to
work to earn their own money. The child often learns they
"deserve" so much money as living expenses simply because they
are born. This isn’t true. Nobody owes you a living. You have to scratch
it all out by yourselves. I have known parents who got into much trouble
financially because they were always bailing their broke children out of
debt.
4. Toys - too many "modern" toys take away the imagination of
the child. A child will learn to play better if he has no toys at all, or
maybe a very few.
B. too little:
1. Bible teaching - Reading Bible stories to your children teaches them
God’s truth, the Bible is important, and respect for the pastor, the
church, and the people of God.
How to train your children to be still in church.
Teach them to worship at home.
Teach them to respect God’s house and they ought to be quiet and
listen to God’s appointed man. This also teaches them respect for the
pastor.
Teach the child to be still at home while you read a story.
Teach them to pay attention by asking questions when the story is
finished.
Tell them God expects them to be quiet and listen while in church.
You expect it because you are their parents.
When they are still, brag on them for acting "grown-up".
Real life training - What does daddy do at work? - What is work? - What
is play?
Insist that work and play be enjoyable.
Eccl. 2:24 - There is nothing better than a person enjoy his labor.
Eccl. 3:22 - There is nothing better than enjoying your labor.
Eccl. 5:18 - There is nothing better than to eat and to drink and to
enjoy the fruits of labor.
3. Love - One of the greatest thing a child can learn is that his
parents love him for him, not for the things he does. The right kind of
love is that kind that comes from God.
4. Family time - meal times together. This is a forgotten scene in
America. Families that have meal time together (T. V. off) will have time
to share the experiences of the day. They have time to get close to one
another, to learn one another, and to appreciate one another.
III. Raising children.
A. Parental duty.
Deut. 6:3-8 – "Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do
it; that it may be well with thee, and that ye may increase mightily, as
the LORD God of thy fathers hath promised thee, in the land that floweth
with milk and honey. 4 Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: 5 And
thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy
soul, and with all thy might. 6 And these words, which I command thee this
day, shall be in thine heart: 7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto
thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and
when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou
risest up. 8 And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they
shall be as frontlets between thine eyes."
To love God above all, and to teach these things diligently to our
children.
Prov. 22:6 - To train. Train up a child in the way he should go: and
when he is old, he will not depart from it.
This passage doesn’t say the child will be saved, it says the child
will not leave the way they have been trained (raised).
If a child has been raised incorrectly, they also will not go away from
that.
Eph. 6:4 – "And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to
wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
This verse declares that it is the duty of fathers to raise their
children. Mothers are to help the fathers raise the children. I believe
there is a lot of trouble in families today because many fathers have left
the raising and the care of the children to the mothers. Mothers have
become overcome by all the work involved, work where the fathers don’t
help. Fathers have been taught by our culture that it is their nature to
spread their seed, yet do little or nothing to raise their children.
To nurture. The word "nurture" means "tutorage; i.e.
education or training; by impl. disciplinary correction:--chastening,
chastisement, instruction, nurture."
Eph. 6:4 - The word "admonition" means "calling
attention to, i.e. (by impl.) mild rebuke or warning:--admonition."
I Tim. 3:4, 12 - To control. One of the qualification of a pastor and a
deacon is that he rule his house well. The word "rule" means
"to stand before, i.e. (in rank) to preside, or (by impl.) to
practise:--maintain, be over, rule." It doesn’t mean to lord
over, or be boss.
The correction of a child. (Describe proper discipline) Never spank your
child when you are mad at them. The child will think you don’t love them.
Correct him when you can instruct him in his error.
A. This section applies to small children still living in the parents home.
Prov 13:24 - He that spares the rod hates his son. Proper disciple is
never what you do to a child, it is what you do for a child.
As a precaution because there is so much controversy over corporal
punishment these days, I must show the difference between corporal
punishment and child abuse. Once while preaching on this subject in
this church, a child visitor came up to me after services, and wanted
to know if the discipline I was talking about was child abuse. I told
him it wasn’t, that there would be no blood shed, and no hate on the
part of the parents. It was because the child hadn’t listen and
obeyed their parents that he had to be disciplined. He said he
understood. I hoped he really did. I didn’t want to face a lawsuit.
Prov. 23:13,14 - The word "beatest" in verse 13 and beat
in verse 14 means "to smite". There are varying degrees of
"smiting", but anybody should understand that it doesn’t
mean to strike to injure. This "beating" is chastisement,
which isn’t pleasant for the present, but the result is beneficial
to all. This "beating" is getting the attention of the child
so they will listen to what is being said. This "beating" is
teaching the child that there are judgments inflicted because of wrong
actions.
The word "beat" in other Bible passages. The Hebrew word
for "beating" as is referred to in child discipline, is a
different word than is used in the following passages.
Exodus 30:31-38 - Verse 36 - In making the holy anointing oil,
several ingredients shall be "beaten", that is crushed to
a pulp, getting the juices out.
Exodus 39:3 - In making the ephod, gold was "beaten",
or flattened.
Numbers 11:8 - In preparing the manna God provided for Israel
during the wilderness journey, they beat some of so it could be used
in various ways.
Ruth 2:17 - Ruth beat out the grain, thus separating the chaff
from the wheat.
Joel 3:10 - Beat your plowshares into swords, and your pruning
hooks into spears. This is certainly a different kind of beating.
Prov. 19:18 - Chasten while there is hope. When their little bodies
quiver with fear and you don’t go ahead and discipline them, they have
learned that a little trembling will keep the punishment from them.
Prov. 22:15 - The rod of correction gets rid of foolishness.
Prov. 23:13,14 - He won’t die from the rod. He’ll die from the
lack of it.
Prov. 19:27 - Stop listening to bad advice.
Prov. 17:25 - Foolish children hurt their parents.
Prov. 29:17 - Corrected child gives parents rest.
This section applies to grown children not living in their parents
home.
All of the above still applies except for the laying on of the rod.
Parents of grown children must sometimes tell their children, whether
married or not, what for.
Titus 2:4 - Older women are to teach the younger women to be sober,
to love their husbands, to love their children, and many other things.
How are older women to do this? If the older women don’t open their
mouths and tell them? If the younger women don’t listen?
If it is so that older women ought to teach the young women some
basics about life, shouldn’t the older men also teach the younger men
the same thing?
The attitude of both the older person and the younger person should
be to find God’s will in this life. This will work!
Often times it is taught that the husband is the head of the home,
well, let him be the head of the home, even if his children are grown
and married. The husband is still the head of his wife, even if all the
children are grown, married, have children, and living in their own
separate houses.
This is what Jacob did in commanding his grown children to go to
Egypt to get food.
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